Everything I'd known about the world was a lie.
On my thirteenth birthday, I, Alcatraz Smedry ( yes, I got named after a prison, don’t ask ) received my a bag of sand . And then I accidentally destroyed my foster parents’ kitchen. It’s not my fault, things just break around me, I swear !
I thought the sand was a joke until evil Librarians came to steal it. You’re probably thinking, “Librarians are nice people who recommend good books,” but that’s just what they want you to think! It turns out they’re actually a secret cult keeping the truth from you―a hidden world filled with magical eyeglasses, talking dinosaurs, and knights with crystal swords!
Or so my Grandpa Smedry claimed when he suddenly showed up to rescue me. So now I have to go with him to invade the local library and get that sand back, before it's used to conquer the world. And Grandpa says how I keep breaking things is actually an amazing talent. There’s no way that can all be true, right?
Will I ever make it back home alive?
Our hero, Alcatraz Smedry (yes, like the prison but apparently its the other way around) turns 13 and discovers on his birthday that he’s not your average kid. He’s part of an ancient feud with - you guessed it, evil librarians. While most of us think of librarians as kind, quiet people (and many definitely are, I know some), in this world they’re actually part of a secret cult trying to control information and rule the world. Naturally.
There’s a full cast of equally oddball characters with names like Leavenworth and Sing Sing, plenty of puns (some delightfully cringe-worthy) and nonstop action. It's told from Alcatraz's point of view and he's sarcastic, self-deprecating and not exactly the most reliable narrator - which makes the whole thing even more entertaining.
Yes, it’s silly. Yes, it leans into the absurd. But underneath all the humor and chaos, there are some lovely themes about courage, trust and learning to believe in yourself. I laughed out loud more than once and definitely plan to keep going with the rest of this six-book series.
This book is part of my 2025 Reading Off My Shelf challenge.